Fading Flower (Where is the love?)

Because of the anti-rejection pills that i eat, there's much discomfort and pain. I feel like throwing up at times, and my nose leaks... my kidneys are slowly slowly being affected... my urea levels are bordering the healthy limits. If I stop these treatments, i don't know if my skin is well enough to recover on it's own, i've been unsuccessful for years. That alone would cause a man despair, but like David said in Psalm 27:13, "I would have despaired unless i had believed, I'd see His glory in the land of the living..." I believe I'll see his restoration while on this earth... it may be healing, it may not, but it will be glorious.
But today, i'm saddened by one thing. I'm slowly withering away like a flower, and all i know is to spread God's love and live a radical life... but no one knows about it when i'm in pain in NJC. No one knows that i'm in a rock and a hard place, and that that rock is slowly closing in. Everyone's definition of love is just to either love those who are good to them, or are "worthy" of love. Can we love others simply "because"? I long to see that happen in all the places i go to... God promised me that... that everywhere i go will because a place of love.
But can a man be that sick? Yes, i am. Guess that's why what God took out from my body, he put back in my heart.
but sometimes, no one seems to know, or are too scared to show love. It's not socially acceptable... what will people think?
Tell that to a dying man, he'll tell you that love means the most to him in the whole world.
But yet, the same was for Jesus, but he saw that it was God's love for Him that compelled him to love others, not the way they ignored him... let's all be like that. In my 2 years of atheist classes in Cornell University, the prof and I actually resonated and agreed on ONE thing. The thing the world is lacking the most is LOVE. That's why i believe in Christ, He's not just a loving God, He is love. He's the only believe that's about love, that's one reason why i believe in it. When there is a lack of love, there is a lack of God.
Still i got to go on, but it's hard when my head is pounding... but you know what? No matter how BIG and DARK and void of LOVE this world is, God's love is BIGGER...

"I have loved you with an EVERLASTING love, and have drawn you forth in loving kindness." Jer 31:3.

Everlasting, He loves, not loved, He loves still today and tomorrow - you.
Love
Ken