iSoLaTION redux II

Everyday I come back to school, wish I was cool,
But I know I can’t be that too.[1]
Cause I’m wrecked with pain, my skin’s inflamed
I’m ashamed of the blood that’s leaving my veins [2]
But I remember all the things you said,
paid my debts, said I had a future ahead [3]
But if that’s true, God, why I do wish I was dead?
My souls heavy like I’m chained with lead [4]
That’s what I said, that’s what I SAID
God, why you make me so swollen and red? [5]

I came with sores bloody and open
No one even cares about the burdens I’m holdin’ [6]
Every minute, every second, pain beckons, and I can’t reckon
Who could answer my questions? The echo rings, I sing [7]
mahjulah and there are flies around me
A dog’s licking my wounds, but I don’t make a sound see [8]
my hearts crying out, but I’m too torn and tired
All I want to do is escape this satire [9]
I perspire. My skin stings again.
Hello? My friends? Guess I’m alone again. [10]

So I, pop all my pills, feel sleepy inside
Ignoring hurts and pains, for no reason despite [11]
I’m waking up cold and in fright, it’s now 4am,
but I thought it was midnight [12]
So when will you when will you make things right?
Let the pain subside, I confide in you like [13]
A Father Figure, rush like a river, arms open wide
Makes my souls shiver, two worlds collide inside [14]
Between fears that sink where I need to be at
Need you here, at the brink of gone so I can see that [15]
You’ll rope me through the darkness sans hope that seems forever,
Hands groping through the Ark, just a chance hope towards a dream, where a [16]
Refuge exists, to lay my head
And I see hope in the future ahead instead. [17]
and i see hope in the future ahead
Colorful rainbows painted crimson Grace Red [18]
instead.
i'd be Free.

Sadness Redux II (10 May 2006)

Everytime i look back it's like i'm always holding on
to memories jacked up in me, so strong, so wrong
what's going on? hands over my eyes, my mind's
flipping it, rippin' ing coming wit lyrical cries, i deny
the obvious truth, what i lost
i can't move, no sleep, on this bed i toss
remembering how you'd tuck me to sleep
making sure that i knew all the prayers i keep
and you stood by me, held my hand
so i could see and understand the greater plan - who i am!
so no matter, whatever, however tough it could be,
you'd be right there loving just the way it should be

"... and i cry, i cry for you... somebody wipe those tears
wipe those tears from my eyes tonight..
... and i cry, i cry for you... don't me go
don't let me go, hold me now hold me tight."

Picture this. Imagine that.
Stage four cancer not once but twice. God where you at?
On the bed alone crying she was broken and sad
like mice running away, and Death was the cat
but she can't run anymore, she's on the hospital bed
vision blurred, voice slurred, both our eyes swollen and red
and how much time did you have left?
I heard the tick of the clock and i counted your every breath
as morphene dripped, and you were concast
and the fear gripped, i trip on which breath would be the last
then from the darkness i heard you vividly
"Do something great for God," and you left me.
left me.

"... and i cry, i cry for you... somebody wipe those tears
wipe those tears from my eyes tonight..
... and i cry, i cry for you... don't me go
don't let me go, hold me now hold me tight."

Psalm 58:8
"You've kept track of my every toss and turn
through the sleepless nights,
Each tear entered in your ledger
each ache written in your book"

Well is da SouL

Did you see my sun? Draped callously by the clouds
- it's ok, it is well with my soul.
Disorientated in both sides - the crowds screaming so loud
- it's ok, it is well with my soul.
People past me by, never taking a second glance
- it's ok, it is well with my soul
People too afraid, to give others a second chance
- it's ok. it is well with my soul

Do they know i live with sores weepy and red?
It's ok, it is well with my soul.
My silence speaks volumes, they can't hear a thing i said.
It's ok, it is well with my soul.
Used to fight with my brother, till the other bleeds.
It's ok, it is well with my soul.
Learn to swallow my pride, learn, repeat, retreat.
It's ok, it is well with my soul.

Medicines throwing my body up like ragged doll.
It's ok, it is well with my soul.
Doctor thinks I'M the one to blame for my toils.
It's ok, it is well with my soul.
Found out that many people have no depth.
It's ok, it is well with my soul.
Even in church that no one cares if perceived as useless - and yet,
it's ok, it is well with my soul.

Thought that no girl would love someone like me
- it is well with my soul.
God exposed my heart, even I couldn't love someone like me
- it is well with my soul.
Unloved, tried suicide, drowned in Depression's River
- it's ok now, it is well with my soul.
I hated my reflection, wanted to shatter the mirror
- it's ok now, it is well with my soul.

Physically genetically selected, ugliness is not popular
- it's ok, it is well with my soul.
Just blessed with a touch of wholesome heartfelt vernacular,
it is well with my soul.

Then God spoke louder than all the rest, hand over my chest, warmth that chases away the cold - behold!
"... doesn't matter what happens, i'll always be,
the eye over you that always sees,
the love within, outside, besides that never cease,
the only power of Grace that will set me free,
the song of my heart - beautiful melody, vernacular rhapsody,
love, joy and faith triple medley,
rhyme from the heart that goes deep,
the One that thinks of me even when i sleep,
my destiny, safe in His hands to keep, the Peace that surpasses all understanding...
the love that's never ending."

Yes, it really is very very well with my soul.

Love
Ken

leFt (3rd Mar 2006 - in pain alone)

Left a little tear, my hope it falls flat
Left out from the clear, i'm here but where i'm at?
Left to my devices, screen light cast on my face
Left over food, the rice's been cold, ants over my plate

Left to my thoughts, mauling in the dark
Left to do as i ought, so hard everyday my skin smarts
Left alone caught, a physical storm left scars and marks
Left in a zone wrought with questions - was i left off the Ark?

Left and turn and see that there's nothing, nobody else
let it all burn, and burn, nothing's of value on my shelf; when i'm
Left in a rain of pain, blood n' sweat dripping from my head
Left in silent shame, same rudder shipping destination to dead

Left alone in this game, lame shudder, remember I read; that He
Left death, reigned and came to comfort my heart of lead
left over, a casualty too many, yet i remember You said
You'd never leave or forsake me... i remember You on my bed

Left trying to sleep, hard when you smell your wounds, but you
left me knowing, even if shelled in, You'd be coming soon
Left and right from the cross, you'd loved us all'n
Left heaven to take my place in pain so i won't be falling - so I'm

Left in the room, double bent, reverb in pain
Depth thoughts loom, troubles sent, in pain again - But He
left a message, mr devil, does it offend you to see
that His touch and love is worth more all this - it comforts me

Left alone in my room, stripped of comfort, ease and pride
Left alone with my savior, I'll still conquer the world with Him inside.

To Jesus,
Love
Ken