The Great Reversal

The air-con cutting biting through my skin like a blizzard. Walking up the SKS bookshop aisle, I felt so vulnerable, so lonely. As i reduced the anti-rejection drug this week... the skin is painful; and i see the inflamation diffuse ever so subtly, yet it rears it's head in poignoit pain - a reminder of how vulnerable we are. Hobbling ever so slowly as vast arrays of books peer my intrusion, it seemed that my own shadow was looking at me, with eyes of understanding - my own friend. In the myriad of thoughts, between feeling the physical pain and tasting God's Grace; a callous thought ventured through - a realization, an i-epiphany so to speak... that for that moment, i was alone... i felt unloved.

My eyes gleaned through many titles, a silent satire, as if i was seeing my own movie. "Disappointment with God"... "Finding God in the most unlikely places", "The Jesus i never knew" were titles blitzing through space. Even as my mind was ever reaching for God, as I let my thoughts analysis and co-relate what I want so much to tell my neighbours about the wonderful grace of God, one simple thought pierced the unrest that was undertowing all these wonderful themes. No one called to ask me how i was doing for the last 3 weeks. No one. If i had died anytime, no one would have missed me. They might have missed my work, or what i produce daily; but that is NOT me.
Please.
I am more than what i do.
Can anyone love me for me?

Maybe that's why my agnostic professer in college liked me so much, even though we had such potentially volatile differences in ideology. She believed Jesus was a man. I believed He is God and has the ability to change the hardest of men. But we agreed resonantly, harmoniously on one thing. We both agreed that what the world is sorely deviod of - is LOVE. Funny, i remember the converstion we had... she said, "the one thing the world needs the most is... " and i cut her off and said love - to which she stood amazed. Today i felt unloved. Worldly thoughts intruded my mind - that people who are pained and handicapped are lonely.

Perhaps i was. I am?

Waves of turmoil of past known ideology of love and today's realization swirled around like a whirlpool in my heart. One pairs of eyes i had, but seeing two things... loneliness, hopelessness on one side, and God's hope on the other. Or perhaps it should be more accurately, hopelessness everywhere upon my play/stage of life; yet with eyes that once knew... there is more in any play than what is on stage. The is a director. For every one action appearing on stage, there are multitudes of thoughts, plans, actions and executions happening simultaneously back stage. There is a greater world behind or even above the world in front of us. That's when, when i was in self-pity, thinking no one prays for me... no one cares for my hopes and dreams... when God brought to mind that JESUS not only died for me, but He also prayed for me. Wow, the Great Reversal. The Great Reversal of God.

Psalm 34
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. 18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Every human inclination or religious ideology naturally appeals to humans praying to God - on an unknown power. Only in Jesus Christ do we know, that here is the God of the Universe praying for me. He is our intercessor. He bends His knees for me.

Hebrews 7:25 "because He always lives to intercede for them."

Every human inclination or religious ideology commands us to only think of humans singing praise to a God too far perfect to be close to us humans. We serve a God that sings over us. A King singing to His servant? Awesome.

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Thats when the loneliness melted away into something even greater. My heart was lovingly chastized - from feeling disappointment from the "coldness" of people around, i myself realized how I have gone cold. When was the last time I interceded for my friends? When was the last time i spent time with God? When was the last time i understood the people around me through the eyes of God's Grace? There were so many things I never deserved, but God gave it to us anyway. Why not us? I proceeded to spend the whole time driving home worshipping God and praying earnestly for all of my friends and family - with tender mercy and joy. What started off so self centered melted away with the love of God, and directed me outwards to love. What power could ever do that?
An Awesome God.
The Great Reversal.
He is the God of the Great Reversal.